


Happy Birthday Killua!

by Holyangelheart



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Heavy Angst, I Blame Tumblr, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 21:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4581201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyangelheart/pseuds/Holyangelheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon writes a letter to Killua in his head, remembering the times they're together. Uses a different style than I'm used to and as usual, not edited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday Killua!

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this on Tumblr for Killua's birthday. Most of my fics are uploaded there and it takes me months to finally put it on ao3 so honestly if you (for some reason) wanted more fics, then you should follow me.

 

**-x-x-**

When our fingers interlock, I can feel my heart beating and the palms of my hands begin to sweat. The smile on my face never falters despite the inner chaos I feel. I like to think that you can’t see how nervous I am even though you are a step behind me. I have told you that I love you, perhaps a hundred times yet you roll your eyes. Honestly, you tell me that I’m dense, but you’re oblivious of my obvious feelings for you, Killua.

The day I finally confessed, your face instantly turned red. I was so happy that my skin is dark enough to cover my own embarrassment. For a second I thought you’d roll your eyes again, saying something insensitive.

“Idiot, that’s so gross.” The chance of you spitting those cruel words to my face haunted my dreams, so when you didn’t reply—I almost stepped back and laughed.

Instead you began to cry, asking me if I truly meant it. “Of course silly,” I laughed and finally embraced you with everything—my truest feelings. It was hard for me not to cry with you, but then I felt if I cried I would wake up and everything would have been a dream. A dream where you’d accept me as someone who can love you, give you the comfort you and I both need. It’d be the most incredible and beautiful dream, one where you’re not just my partner as a hunter, but my partner in life as well.

I’m still into you, even after finding out about your family and your insecurities. All it did was make me love you even more.

\---

“Killua!” Gon shouted he heard the door open to their apartment. The familiar white hair brought a to his face, so wide that his cheeks sort of hurt. The spiky haired teen ran up to him and wrapped his arms around his waist before he lifted him up and twirled around. “How was your day with Alluka?”

“My day was good, Gon.” Killua replied softly with a smile of his own. “Alluka and I ate a bunch of chocolates! I ended up…eating them all so I couldn’t bring you any. Sorry about that Gon.”

Killua’s apology sounded heartfelt, but he could tell by the chocolate smudge on the corner of his mouth that he would definitely do it again. As punishment, Gon placed his hands on Killua’s shoulders and stared at the chocolate smeared lips with an intense gaze.

“G-Gon?!” Killua squirmed.

All that did was make Gon want to laugh, but he still stared at those lips, loving the way Killua’s face reflected his embarrassment but he never told him to stop or go away. Finally once there were only centimeters between them, Gon leaned in. He knew that Killua had closed his eyes; it was the perfect chance for him to take. Instead of kissing him, Gon licked the chocolate off.

It took the other a few seconds before he opened his eyes, realizing that there wasn’t a kiss coming at all, that he was tricked. “Oi!” Killua pouted.

“Heh, I know you have some chocolates in your bag Killua. There’s no way you’d come home empty handed!”

“W-Well…” Killua avoided Gon’s gaze and clutched his backpack tighter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gon shook his head and shrugged. “Gee Killua I didn’t think you love chocolate more than your boyfriend.”

“…I would rather eat chocolate.”

“Oi!” Now it was Gon’s turn to chase Killua around until he tackled him to the ground, a fit of giggles as the two fought with tickling techniques.

When the two were out of breath, they lied down, breathing deeply. Slowly, their hands found each other and they held on tight.

“Do you know what tomorrow is?” Killua asked after only the sound of their breathing could be heard along with their heartbeats.

Gon chuckled and rolled over, his legs moving up and down while he gazed at Killua, “Of course I know when your birthday is Killua!”

Killua smiled and then covered his face with his arms, “Good because if you forgot, I will eat all the cake.”

That only made Gon laugh even more. He inched closer to Killua and smiled as he waited for the boy to peek through the spaces between his arms. Once Killua peeked and then hid his face again, Gon latched onto his arms and kissed his nose. “You’d try to eat all of the cake no matter what.”

Instead of arguing, Killua just whispered, “Dumbass.”

Gon could only smile, “I love you too.”

 

**-x-x-**

 

Everything we’ve been through has shaped us into different people from when we met. Even after all this time, I’m still into you, Killua. That night when I came home late after a mission since we had separate ones—I had to persuade you to look at me because you refused to. You thought the worse and I understood because whenever you go out on missions, I think the same.

The day I first met your mother, I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to yell at her for all the rude things she said about you—that she encouraged evil deeds and applauded your pain. I hoped that your meeting with Mito-san months later was different for you. Seeing the two of you in the same room was something I could only dream about.

Everyone but Leorio and Kurapika think that we shouldn’t have been together at all, especially your family besides Alluka and Kalluto even though Kalluto would never admit it. I know that a lot of people would jump with joy if we ever declared our falling out, but I wouldn’t. I love you Killua, I always have and I always will. Not a day goes by when I’m not into you.

Every time you feel insecure, just remember that I love you with everything I have. All of my feelings are genuine and even if you yell at me on some days—thinking that everything was a lie. I held you in my arms and I still will because I love you. I will say it a hundred times if I have to. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

\---

 

“Good morning sleepy head,” Gon whispered as he brought a tray full of pancakes with chocolate spread on top and a birthday candle, a cup of milk on the side. “Happy birthday Killua!” He smiled, hoping that it tasted good since he made it from scratch.

Killua opened his eyes, blinking a few times before he lit up with a smile. “Gon…you shouldn’t have.”

Gon giggled and placed the tray in his lap once he sat up. He grabbed a lighter from his pocket but was stopped by Killua. “Don’t you want to make your wish now?”

The birthday boy shook his head, “That should be with the actual chocolate cake.”

“But…” Gon pouted. “You could just have two wishes.”

Killau rolled his eyes, “Jeez you should know that only one of them count Gon!”

“Fine fine,” Gon shoved the lighter back into his pocket. He didn’t see why Killua had to be so hell bent on his wish, but he just had to deal with it.

They sat next to each other in bed while watching their favorite shows. Since Killua spent the previous day with Alluka, Gon had him all to himself until it was time to return for the surprise party with everyone.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Gon asked while putting away the dishes. He had already gotten dressed before Killua woke up so it was now his turn instead.

“Hmmm…” Killua pulled a shirt over his head. “Ah! How about the aquarium?”

“Why the aquarium?”

“Well you never went with me to the aquarium, you went with Palm remember?”

Gon could sense the sinister meaning behind Killua’s words and smiled. He had to stop himself from commenting on how cute he is when he’s jealous.

Their date was fun; the two walked through the aquarium together and even spoiled their dinner with strawberry crepes. Gon even bought Killua a jellyfish necklace because it reminded Gon of him. Such beautiful creatures that as long as you don’t touch their stingers, they won’t hurt you, just like Killua and his claws.

“Alright time for us to go home!” Gon stood up after finishing off the treat, but Killua just pulled him into the other direction.

“No I want to hang out a bit more. We can go to the arcade!” Killua’s eyes sparkled.

The sound of going to the arcade sounded fun, but the sun was already beginning to set. Yet no matter how many times Gon tried to reason with him, the sparkling never stopped and Killua knew it was Gon’s weakness. “Fine but we’re only spending 10 minutes there.”

“30 minutes?”

“What? No I said 10.”

“60?” For once Killua was relentless.

Gon swore he thought that _he_ was the childish one, not Killua. “25 or no deal.”

“Heh,” Killua smirked and skipped ahead of him. “I would have settled for 15 minutes.”

Gon shook his head, something he did often these days. He smiled, but then his voice was stuck in his throat.

“Wait Gon!” Killua stood now on the other side of the street.

Gon realized he was crossing after the light had already turned green for cars to go. The last thing he heard was the sounds of tires screeching and Killua’s screams.

**\---**

“…Killua?” Gon opened his eyes, feeling warmth wrapped around his hand.

“Gon!”

Instead of seeing the same familiar white hair, all he saw was blond. Kurapika sat there, holding his hand with Leorio right behind him. “Kurapika…Where’s Killua?”

The two of them stared at him with eyes full of tears and could only shake their heads.

Not a word needed to be said because Gon knew. If it weren’t for all the sedatives in his blood stream, he would have ran out of there searching for answers—searching for Killua. He was able to fall onto the floor, a mess of sweat and tears as he struggled to get passed his two best friends.

He crawled to the door and found Alluka who sat behind it, clutching the jellyfish necklace in her hands. The two wept together, using Alluka’s warmth in replace of Killua’s helped him not throw another fit…but it would never be the same without him.

Tons of people would have come for Killua’s funeral—if they had one. But instead of a funeral, Killua had wanted his ashes to be spread in all the places the two shared their moments together. So for a year, Gon went to every spot where he could complete Killua’s wishes. Only keeping Killua’s possessions for himself but didn’t touch them for he was afraid the smell would no longer linger and his love would truly be gone.

 

**\---**

 

Even after all this time, even though you’re not here anymore—I’m still into you.

You may not be here anymore, but you continue to live on in my heart Killua. I will live everyday like I always have, because I can’t go back to the time before I met you. I’m still into you despite all the butterflies having already died years ago. They died the day you left this earth, but that’s alright because I know you’re watching over me.

Killua, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love—

 

**-x-x-**

**_Fin._ **


End file.
